Warning: I'm getting out of my chair now

The complex feelings of being out of my chair

“warning, I’m getting out of my chair now”

I said this to my friend Poppy once and she immediately looked confused and said “why did you just have to announce that”. I blushed embarrassed and said “I’m not sure” but I know why really and I think it’s an interesting thought.

Obviously please consider, not everyone feels like this or thinks as deeply as me. But from the age of 2 I’ve used a wheelchair. It’s my norm. Being out of my wheelchair is less usual than being in it when I’m around people. When I’m out of my chair I feel like I become even smaller and more disabled (lol I know, ridiculous how our internalised ableism works).

I have vivid memories of starting to transfer and people suddenly stop talking to watch. I would feel eyes on me as they are (naturally) interested in how this is gonna work. I would feel myself blush and make a joke. People would ask me if I’m okay and I’d try and hold my breath not to huff and puff. You know like when you’re trying to reverse your car, someone’s watching you so it takes longer. Yeah that.

Most people feel sorry for wheelchair users, but the ironic thing is - I feel more confident in my wheelchair. I only get out with trusted people. Knowing that without my chair, I’m reliant on those around me.

I do love getting out of my chair though if I can find somewhere that’s not too low or high, it’s great for my hips.

So to non-disabled people - try not to make it a *thing* when someone is transferring. Saying phrases like “let me know if I can do anything” then carry on with the convo.

And to disabled people - don’t not transfer because you don’t want to “make a scene”. It really doesn’t have to be that deep. Once we do it once, it becomes easier. Now when I’m with friends I throw myself on the sofa - it means you’re less likely to be the one on snack duty and to pop the kettle on too… you’re welcome. 😉